GASP! Personal stuff?

So I wrote this long and in-depth sentimental blog yesterday and didn't finish it, and right now I am so not in the mood to write about that stuff. Right now, I am thinking of, well, absolutely nothing. I was really productive today. I cleaned the bathroom, finished my laundry, did homework, and most of it was pretty much finished by 7. However, at some point I was on facebook and I started talking to Kara. And then I was talking to Kristine. And the next thing you know, my mind is a million miles away from my work. I'm thinking about hanging out with my friends, and college, and "funny" pictures of boys, and Halloween, and everything under the sun that is not related to writing my Japanese journals or doing physics. At some point I gave up, printed off whatever I had of my journals, packed my backpack and made my lunch, and stopped thinking of school altogether. The thing is, while I can sit here and ignore the things I'm putting off, I know myself. I know that if I get too behind and I can't get back on track, I give up and use my "if I close my eyes, it's not there" mentality and the next thing you know, I'm not doing my homework, failing tests, and feeling like crap. I think my problem is that I can't balance it out enough. I need to talk to my friends more, and not on Sunday nights. Last night, I was up until 2 doing nothing. At about 10:30 I went to my room, and from 1-2 I finished rereading Paper Towns. From 10:30-1, I have no idea what I was doing. I was on youtube. I was reading the most hilarious/terrible/amazing fanfiction ever. I was playing tetris. Why wasn't I talking to my friends then and not tonight? Sighhh I feel like I'm rambling. I feel like playing tetris now.

Okay I'm back. Level 12, not bad!
So, this is an interesting thought I've recently had. You see, I've realized that in the past few months, I've felt pretty detached from Harry Potter. Okay, I know you are currently thinking "WTF? Winona, it's all you ever talk about." Yeah, I'm still pretty involved with wrock/youtube/HPA/general fandom. I still reference it all the time. I defend the series in arguments. But I haven't had the same emotional connection I used to have. This is a bit weird writing about on the internet for the world to see, because I'm normally pretty quiet about this. People don't really realize that while I'm a crazy HP fanatic on the outside, it's because of this really powerful relationship I have with the books on the inside. It's a long story and I don't want to get into it, but the books normally mean more to me than anyone could ever realize. However, lately I haven't had that same feeling and I'm wondering why. It could be that I'm more socially stable than ever before (once again, this is weird writing about online!). I'm not going to lie, I've had a lot of social/friendship problems in the past. Harry Potter was this solid thing that I was always able to hold onto. The characters were the best friends I never had. Hogwarts was the school I dreamed of attending. It was an escape for me when I was scared and didn't know who to turn to. For me, not having friends is a scary thing. That's one of the reasons why the beginning of freshman year was so terrible: I couldn't believe that in this enormous school of 2000 kids, I had no one (well, except Katie of course :) ). And in general, when my friends weren't being who I wanted them to be, when my family wasn't reacting to my mood swings like I wanted them to, I would turn to Harry. I would think of the story when I felt uncomfortable or scared and I felt unbelievably at home. But lately, I feel like I don't need him as much. I'm so much more comfortable with myself and my relationships with my friends, that my obsession is more of a default setting that isn't necessary. And yet, I'm not scared that "this is the end of an era!" and in a few years I won't love Harry Potter as much. Rather, it's like I have this safety net below me at all times, and when I fall in the future, whether it's problems adjusting to college, or if I have a fight with a friend, I will always have these books to turn back to. It's a comforting feeling, knowing that I have something that no matter what, will always be there for me. Unless Laura Mallory gets her evil minions together and burns every copy of a Harry Potter book in existence, I'm safe.
School is stressful, yes. But I'd rather be failing classes and be socially content than get straight A's and have no friends.